Scene 5

Tuco’s Lament: A Spaghetti Western Morality Play

Draft: 06/04/07

Scene 5: A Salon Full of Friends

Setting the Scene:

Everyman is of course pretty upset having met Death and being asked to come and do a reckoning with God. So he of course decides that he needs some company on this trip to Samarra to meet Death in a gun battle for his soul. So he gets on his horse and makes his way to White Rock, to the Virtue Salon, to see his friends and relatives. They are of course Fellowship, Kindred and Cousin. Perhaps we will combine Kindred and Cousin into one character to save us time in marionette construction. The scene takes place in the salon. To the right is a bar with a mirror and a cowpoke standing at the bar. He is actually a doll and not a puppet so save us some more time. To house left is a table with two cowpokes, Fellowship and Kindred sitting at the table. They are attached to the prop with strings attached to manipulate the upper torso.

A conversation starts between the three men. Eventually is it clear that Everyman is screwed when these guys decide to desert him in his hour of need. Everyman is crushed and makes his way to Boothill?, where he meets Good Deeds and Knowledge?

Text:

Everyman:

Alas, I may well weep with sighs deep;

Now have I no manner of company

To help me in my journey, and me to keep;

And also my writing is full unready.

How shall I do now for to excuse me?

I would to God I had never be gete*! *been born

To my soul a great profit it had be;

For now I fear pains huge and great.

The time passeth; Lord, help that all wrought;

For though I mourn it availeth nought.

The day passeth, and is almost a-go;

I wot not well what for to do.

To whom were I best my complaint do make?

What, and I to Fellowship thereof spake,

And show him of this sudden chance?

For in him is all my affiance;

We have in the world so many a day

Be on good friends in sport and play.

I see him yonder, certainly;

I trust that he will bear me company;

Therefore to him will I speak to ease my sorrow.

Well met, good Fellowship, and good morrow!

Fellowship:

Everyman, good morrow by this day.

Sir, why lookest thou so piteously?

If anything be amiss, I pray thee, me say,

That I may help to remedy.

Everyman:

Yea, good Fellowship, yea,

I am in great jeopardy.

Fellowship:

My true friend, show me your mind;

I will not forsake thee, unto my life’s end,

In the way of good company.

Everyman:

That was well spoken, and lovingly.

Fellowship:

Sir, I must needs know your heaviness;

I have pity to see you in any distress;

If any have you wronged ye shall revenged be,

Though I on the ground be slain for thee,-

Though that I know before that I should die.

Everyman:

Verily, Fellowship, gramercy.

Fellowship:

Tush! by thy thanks I set not a straw.

Show me your grief, and say no more.

Everyman:

If I my heart should to you break,

And then you to turn your mind from me,

And would not me comfort, when you here me speak,

Then should I ten times sorrier be.

Fellowship:

Sir, I say as I will do in deed.

Everyman:

Then be you a good friend at need;

I have found you true here before.

Fellowship:

And so ye shall evermore;

For, in faith, and thou go to Hell

I will not forsake thee by the way!

Everyman:

Ye speak like a good friend; I believe you well;

I shall deserve it, and I may.

Fellowship:

I speak of no deserving, by this day.

For he that will say and nothing do

Is not worthy with good company to go;

Therefore show me the grief of your mind,

As to your friend most loving and kind.

Everyman:

I shall show you how it is;

Commanded I am to go on a journey,

A long way, hard and dangerous,

And give a strait count without delay

Before the high judge Adonai*. *God

Wherefore I pray you bear me company,

As ye have promised, in this journey.

Fellowship:

That is a matter indeed! Promise is duty,

But, and I should take such a voyage on me,

I know it well, it should be to my pain:

Also it make me afeard, certain.

But let us take counsel here as well we can,

For your words would fear a strong man.

Everyman:

Why, ye said, If I had need,

Ye would me never forsake, quick nor dead,

Though it were to hell truly.

Fellowship:

So I said, certainly,

But such pleasures be set aside, thee sooth to say:

And also, if we took such a journey,

When should we come again?

Everyman:

Nay, never again till the day of doom.

Fellowship:

In faith, then will not I come there!

Who hath you these tidings brought?

Everyman:

Indeed, Death was with me here

Fellowship:

Now, by God that all hath brought,

If Death were the messenger,

For no man that is living to-day

I will not go that loath journey-

Not for the father that begat me!

Everyman:

Ye promised other wise, pardie.

Fellowship:

I wot well I say so truly;

And yet if thou wilt eat, and drink, and make good cheer,

Or haunt to women, the lusty companion,

I would not forsake you, while the day is clear,

Trust me verily!

Everyman:

Yea, thereto ye would be ready;

To go to mirth, solace, and play,

Your mind will sooner apply

Than to bear me company in my long journey.

Fellowship:

Now, in good faith, I will not that way.

But and thou wilt murder, or any man kill,

In that I will help thee with a good will!

Everyman:

O that is a simple advice indeed!

Gentle fellow, help me in my necessity;

We have loved long, and now I need,

And now, gentle Fellowship, remember me.

Fellowship:

Whether ye have loved me or no,

By Saint John, I will not with thee go.

Everyman:

Yet I pray thee, take the labour, and do so much for me

To bring me forward, for saint charity,

And comfort me till I come without the town.

Fellowship:

Nay, and thou would give me a new gown,

I will not a foot with thee go;

But and you had tarried I would not have left thee so.

And as now, God speed thee in thy journey,

For from thee I will depart as fast as I may.

Everyman:

Whither away, Fellowship? Will you forsake me?

Fellowship:

Yea, by my fay, to God I betake thee.

Everyman:

Farewell, good Fellowship; for this my heart is sore;

Adieu for ever, I shall see thee no more.

Fellowship:

In faith, Everyman, farewell now at the end;

For you I will remember that parting is mourning.

Everyman:

Alack! Shall we thus depart indeed?

Our Lady, help, without any more comfort,

Lo, Fellowship forsaketh me in my most need:

For help in this world whither shall I resort?

Fellowship here before with me would merry make;

And now little sorrow for me doth he take.

It is said, in prosperity men friends may find,

Which in adversity be fully unkind.

Now whither for succour shall I flee,

Sith that Fellowship hath forsaken me?

To my kinsmen I will truly,

Praying them to help me in my necessity;

I believe that they will do so,

For kind will creep where it may not go.

I will go say, for yonder I see them go.

Where be ye now, my friends and kinsmen?

Kindred:

Here be we now at your commandment.

Cousin:

I pray you show us your intent

In any wise, and not spare.

Cousin:

Yea, Everyman, and to us declare

If ye be disposed to go any whither,

For wete you well, we will live and die together.

Fellowship:

In wealth and woe we will with you hold,

For over his kin a man may be bold.

Everyman:

Gramercy, my friends and kinsmen kind.

Now shall I show you the grief of my mind:

I was commanded by a messenger,

That is a high king’s chief officer;

He bade me go on a pilgrimage to my pain,

And I know well I shall never come again;

Also I must give a reckoning straight,

For I have a great enemy, that hath me in wait,

Which intendeth me for to hinder.

Fellowship:

What account is that which ye must render?

That would I know.

Everyman:

Of all my works I must show

How I have lived and my days spent;

Also of ill deeds, that I have used

In my time, sith life was me lent;

And of all virtues that I have refused.

Therefore I pray you thither with me,

To help to make account, for saint charity.

Cousin:

What, to go thither? Is that the matter?

Nay, Everyman, I had liefer fast bread and water

All this five year and more.

Everyman:

Alas, that ever I was bore!

For now shall I never be merry

If that you forsake me.

Kindred:

Ah, sir; what, ye be a merry man!

Take good heart to you, and make no moan.

But as one thing I warn you, by Saint Anne,

As for me, ye shall go alone.

Everyman:

My Cousin, will you not with me go.

Cousin:

No by our Lady; I have the cramp in my toe.

Trust not to me, for, so God me speed,

I will deceive you in your most need.

Kindred:

It availeth not us to tice.

Ye shall have my maid with all my heart;

She loveth to go to feasts, there to be nice,

And to dance, and abroad to start:

I will give her leave to help you in that journey,

If that you and she may agree.

Everyman:

Now show me the very effect of your mind.

Will you go with me, or abide behind?

Kindred:

Abide behind? Yea, that I will and I may!

Therefore farewell until another day.

Everyman:

How should I be mary or glad?

For fair promises to me make,

But when I have most need, they me forsake.

I am deceived; that maketh me sad

Cousin:

Cousin Everyman, farewell now,

For varily I will not go with you;

Also of mine an unready reckoning

I have to account; therefore I make tarrying.

Now, God keep thee, for now I go